You and Your Unbearable Feeling

Instead of demanding to know “who’s pressing my buttons?” you could try asking, “why am I still providing the buttons which can so easily be pressed?”

  • Your spirit is God’s gift to you (that’s life), but your character is your gift to God.
  • Psalm 116:15 “precious in His sight.”
  • If you don’t like the person you’ve become, all you have to do is change your mind.

This flies in the face of modern culture “love yourself, accept yourself, authenticity”

  • The problem with that is, we haven’t defined authenticity.
  • Authenticity is becoming like Christ.
  • Sovereignty means being able to change.

The counsellor’s boundary:

  • I don’t bust my heart wanting something better for somebody else, than they want for themselves.
  • Respect the sovereignty of the person.

God is utterly powerless in the face of your sovereignty

  • The handle to the door of your heart is on the inside.
  • God will let you walk into Hell, if you choose it.

Success demands focus:

  • Focus demands commitment. 
  • Fear of being trapped prevents commitment.
  • So, your fear of feeling your unbearable feeling ,will sabotage your success.
  • You will avoid the possibility of pushing your bruises.

Riddell’s model of therapy is based on persuasion:

  • Not domination or coercion.
  • Not client-centred therapy.
  • Persuaders like St Paul & Jesus.

If the Truth will set you free:

  • Then an insight will set you free.
  • Not self-discipline.

Anger is a continuum between frustration and rage:

  • “Be frustrated, but sin not”
  • “The anger of Man, never achieves the righteousness of God.”

Two Truths:

  1. Cultural or relative e.g. taste, style
  2. Eternal or absolute e.g. principle

One unbearable feeling can set you up for a world of hurt:

  • You will do anything to avoid your one unbearable feeling, including doing lots of negative behaviour.
  • No matter what your ethics are, your unbearable feeling trumps them.
  • You will revert to the behaviour of the age you were when you suffered your unbearable feeling.

The whole solution to resolving the problem of unbearable feelings:

  • Get used to it.
  • e.g. Failure isn’t fatal, it’s feedback.  If a thing’s worth doing, it’s worth doing badly, while I’m getting better.
  • If failure is your unbearable feeling, you’ll become a quitter.

“Knowing ourselves with a Christ-centred methodology”


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